My “check yourself” line for SOW (Songs of Waiting) is that I can only write about waiting because that is all I know. Everything you read here is from my waiting experience; things I’ve gone through and things God has done in this journey.
Every time they had an altar call at youth night I’d cry. I would cry and cry and cry. I was fairly new to this part of church, because my family stopped going to church when I was a kid, so I didn’t really know what was happening to me. I mean, I was always crying around that time because I was going through some stuff, but this was a different kind of cry. I was angry, hurt, and frustrated. I was so empty and searching for something.
I tried to find it in boys, but even then I was so insecure and afraid. I’d talk to them for a while, and when they realized they weren’t going to get anything from me, they’d stop talking to me and I’d just get the next guy’s number. I knew how to flirt and I knew all the right things to say. I knew I could get attention from boys and that was enough for me.
Until it wasn’t. I knew I needed something. I knew I was trying to fill a void, but I just didn’t know how to do it. I always felt out-of-place. I knew this wasn’t what a young modest Christian girl should be doing. This was not how I was raised. But it made me happy, even if just for a while. It made me confident, even just a little bit more confident for my insecurity-ridden self. If the fourteen year old girl could get the attention of the nineteen year old soldier, it was enough to boost her confidence. But what happened when she went home and the emptiness was still there?
So I would cry and cry and cry. It was like all of the heaviness from my heart was draining from my eyes, and every time I left youth night, I’d feel a little better. Then, all of sudden, I realized that I wasn’t so heavy-hearted, but living with a weird peace. Like, even though I was still going through a lot, I was at peace. I still wasn’t sure what was going on while it was going on, but something in me changed. I encountered God.
I’d go home and open my Precious Moments Bible I had since I was five to a random story and read. I didn’t understand much, but I wanted to know more about this person who they were talking about at youth night. The one who made me cry so much. The one who when I said His name, I’d have a fuzzy warm feeling. I just wanted to know Him, and as I continued to get to know Him, every empty part of my being was filling up and I wanted more. I wanted more of His love and acceptance.
I hadn’t known God like that. For my entire life until sixteen years old, God was just God. He wasn’t God the Father. God the Comforter. God the Deliverer. God the Friend. God the Maker. God the Provider. God the Redeemer. (I could go on forever!) And when you know God on a real level, it changes everything. For me, in that moment of my life, it changed my self-worth, confidence, and outlook on love and relationships. Because I encountered this kind of love, I didn’t want anything that wasn’t from this love. The nature of the God I encountered set me on the path of purity.
I have been in situations where I’ve had to say no, and I’m telling you that there are better things on the other side of the ‘no’ than the things you leave behind. If the temptation came before I had that encounter, would I have been empowered to say no? I don’t know, but I am so blessed that I never had those kind of encounters before the God one. I am not saying that all you need is an encounter with God to keep yourself pure, because temptation will still come, but it’s a foundation that will keep you grounded, and it needs to be a recurring thing. Encounters with God lead to faith, empowerment, confidence, and love. And out of those things comes a life set apart.
If you’re looking and longing for something, please, look to God. Get to know Him on a personal level. I promise you it will change your entire being.
See you next week,
Love, Sarah Lynn
God, I thank You for Your love for us. I thank You for Your Son, and giving us a way to be close to You. I pray for the people reading this post. May they get to know You in a way that they never have before. Let Your love fill every crack and empty space in their lives, and walk daily knowing they are so loved by the all-powerful and sovereign God. Continue to shine Your face upon us. In the precious name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
“And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.” – 1 John 4:16
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