Writings from the Heart

Another Piece of Advice for Single People

Happy Valentine’s Day! I contemplated waiting to post this because I didn’t want to rain on the Valentine’s parade, but I pray it encourages my fellow single people.

I was listening to Christian radio a few days ago, and a man was speaking about singleness. His advice was very true, but rather than wanting to hear more, I wanted to turn off the program. He said that in our single season, we need to find our contentment and peace in Jesus. Yes, this is so very true, but it is also so very exhausting to hear for the 800th time.

I’m a super single 23 year old, and though I know there are people older than me who are single, I’ve come to a point in my life where I do not want to talk about my singleness with anyone. They all give me the same advice: Your husband is coming! God is preparing you! Find happiness in Jesus! A relationship can’t save you!

Put a sock in it.

I know my husband is coming, but he’s not here yet (duh). I know God is preparing me; being equipped by God is an ongoing process. I have found happiness in Jesus, and I will continue to seek joy from Him, with or without a man. And I’m already saved. I’m not looking for salvation.

Singleness is easy for some, not so easy for others. It has become easier for me, but this wasn’t always the case. It’s disheartening when you’re a hopeless romantic and everyone around you is in a relationship. It’s discouraging when you know how deep and how amazing your love will be for someone, but the person isn’t in your life. Loneliness, insecurities, and every other negative emotion associated with singleness sets in. It can turn into an ugly cycle where we search for outlets in places where what we need won’t be found.

So there is one piece of advice I’d tell my younger self: It is exhausting. Put your energy and focus into other things, because one day you’ll look back on your singleness and shake your head, realizing you wasted precious time (mind you, I’m still single, looking back on single years, and shaking my head). I learned to not focus on the singleness, or even following all the over-used bits of advice I received, but instead I just focused on living.

I channeled my sappiness into writing love poems that didn’t make me sad, but hopeful for my future husband. I realized that my ability to love doesn’t have to be solely for a special someone, but the special people in my life. Instead of being sad on Friday nights, I got my introverted self out of the house. And the most important thing I did? I focused on what God wanted me to be doing, especially in my single season.

Focus on your purpose. Your purpose is your purpose, not your future spouse’s purpose. Ask God where you should be focusing your gifts, talents, and abilities. What ends up happening is that the ugly single cycle turns into a purpose-driven path. You’ll be so focused on that purpose, that the singleness won’t be painful anymore. It won’t even consume the lot of your thoughts.

There is another piece of advice that will always be true. Everyone, not only single people, needs to realize this. Put your hope in God and find your identity in Christ. Humans will fail you. Humans will hurt you. Be rooted in God’s promises for your life- not your own promises or the promises of others. Remember that everything in this world is fleeting, but God remains forever.

Dear reader, if this post is meant for you, learn this early. Don’t wait for a relationship to live. Don’t waste precious time. There’s a whole world out there that needs you to live a purposed life.

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